Aarson have a chat
by baisbais
Summary: Aaron and Jackson talk about their relationship, after reuniting.  Follows on from episode broadcast 27th Sept 2010
1. Chapter 1

Jackson sat curled up at the head of Aaron's bed, while Aaron sat on the side, his feet touching the floor. He drummed the duvet with his fingers, feeling awkward – even though he'd talked more about his feelings in the past six months than he had done in the rest of his life put together, it still didn't come easily. But Jackson was determined that they were going to sort things out properly, and Aaron wasn't stupid enough to blow the chance he was being offered.

"If we're going to give this another go, we really need to talk," said Jackson, watching Aaron intently, as he so often did, in the way that made Aaron feel transparent. "I know it would be easier just to ignore everything and just keep going – but we both deserve more than that."

Aaron nodded soberly. But he didn't know what to say.

"You say that you need me," continued Jackson. "And, y'know, most of the time I love being with you. Heck, I even love that you're unpredictable. But – never knowing what's coming next isn't all peaches and cream."

"I know, Jackson. I'm sorry, I really am. It won't happen again, honest."

Jackson lent his head back and looked at the ceiling for a few seconds, considering what to say next.

"What won't happen again, Aaron?"

"I won't go off on one at someone like Mickey. I'll listen to what you and Paddy say – things always get a bit… I mean, I tend to get carried away."

"Ok." Jackson was quiet for a bit, and Aaron wasn't sure whether or not the conversation was over. He really just wanted them to put it behind them, and use the bed for something other than talking. _That_ side of things was surprisingly easy now, considering how terrified he'd been the first time – it felt natural, and they didn't have to think too much. In bed together, it was obvious how well they worked as a couple. It was only when they were dressed that things got tricky… Aaron couldn't help himself; he smirked.

Jackson smiled back, although the smile didn't reach his eyes – when they were lit up with happiness, it filled Aaron with a joy which made him realise that Jackson wasn't just a fling. Jackson's happiness meant so much to Aaron… and yet he seemed always to make Jackson sad or hurt.

"I really am sorry, Jay," he said softly. "I hate that my actions hurt you. I don't think."

"That's what worries me." Jackson looked carefully at Aaron. "Look, Aaron. Everything's fine now – we're calm, and you're happy to talk things through. That's what a relationship should be like – well, I suppose an ideal relationship wouldn't have the things to talk through, but this is good."

"Yeah," said Aaron, smiling uncertainly.

"But _look_, Aaron. I never know when it's going to _stop_ being good. When something's going to send you over the edge."

"I know! I really will try and keep my temper at bay, I promise. I've already said I won't go and attack Mickey."

"It's not him I'm thinking about, Aaron." Jackson bit his lip, and looked down. "I'm worried… I'm worried you'll attack me. When things stop going well – what's to stop you hitting me again? And keep hitting me?"

Aaron was taken aback. He turned round on the bed, tucking his legs underneath him and facing Jackson. He reached out his hand and touched Jackson's knee – it wasn't exactly intimate, but he wanted to make some sort of physical connection. Jackson didn't pull away, but he didn't show any sign that he welcomed it either. The idea of Jackson being hurt appalled Aaron – the thought that Jackson would be scared of it happening… it tore at him.

"Jackson! I wouldn't. I really thought we'd put the – y'know – the time in the pub behind us. I thought you'd forgiven me?"

"Of course I've forgiven you Aaron – do you think I'd be here if I hadn't? I've forgiven, but I can't forget – oh I wish I could!"

"I'd _kill_ anyone who hurt you!"

In a single quick motion, Jackson had knocked Aaron's hand away, and jumped to his feet.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" Jackson said fiercely. He would have shouted, if Paddy and Hazel hadn't been downstairs – and almost certainly listening closely for any signs of discord. "Do you think I want a boyfriend who'd 'kill' someone for me? Do you? Maybe when I was fifteen that would have seemed really sexy – like a superhero out to defend me. Do you know what seems sexy now? A boyfriend who cares about what I want; one who will hold my hand in public; a boyfriend who doesn't flinch whenever I use the word 'boyfriend'!"

"This is all new to me Jackson…"

"I have been more than patient! Ok, this isn't easy for you. I get that. But there has to come a point where we are boyfriends, and not just a big experiment for you to see if you can cope with being gay."

"That's not what this is!" protested Aaron. "I _do_ care about you. I do care what you want."

"Really?" said Jackson. "And what _is_ it that I want, Aaron? Do you even know?"

Aaron couldn't answer. He realised that he couldn't answer. Of course Jackson wanted happiness and health, but who didn't? He hated violence; he liked beer… but what were his deepest aspirations and fears? Aaron felt ashamed of himself. He ought to know these things about his boyfriend. But that didn't mean that Jackson meant nothing to him… Aaron wanted to explain that it was _Jackson_ he cared about. Jackson's personality. The kindness and the warmth and the humour which radiated from him. Aaron might not ask Jackson about himself enough, but there was nobody whose heart he knew better. But none of this came out. He couldn't answer Jackson.

"Exactly. I'm getting tired of it, Aaron. This relationship is all give, and no take."

Any other time, Jackson would have been the first to raise his eyebrows and laughed at that inadvertent innuendo. But not today.

"Fine." Aaron face became closed. "Fine. If you want to leave me, like everyone else."

Jackson, who had been looking away, turned upon Aaron angrily.

"Oh, _who_ else, Aaron? Look around you! You've got Paddy who'll do anything for you, you've got Adam – there's Marlon, Cain, Zak – all sorts. Ok, you've had a rough past with your Mum, but how often does she have to apologise? How often does she have to prove that she loves you before you'll stop pitying yourself? It basically boils down to a rubbish relationship with your Dad, and you aren't the only one who can tell that story! Have you ever asked about _my_ Dad? Have you ever even _thought_ about it? Oh, you know what Aaron – I really wanted this to work. Despite everything, I believed I could see something amazing in you, behind all that hard man stuff. But I can't dig forever. Please… please just get yourself together, Aaron."

By the time Jackson had finished speaking, and left the room, his anger had obviously subsided into sorrow. Aaron was concentrating fiercely upon not crying, but when Jackson closed the door – gently, not slamming it – he could hold back the tears no longer. He buried his face in the duvet and wept.


	2. Chapter 2

"You alright, mate?"

Phil – the electrician – handed Jackson a mug of hot tea, and gestured to him that they should sit down for a break. They'd been working on the house together for a couple of days, but hadn't really said much to each other beyond the normal 'hellos' and 'byes'. And not just because of Phil's bad breath…

"Has that wall offended you in some way?" Phil laughed. "You've been attacking it with that hammer like it was trying to mug your Gran."

Jackson looked at the hammer in his hand. It was true, he'd probably been a bit more violent with the nails than he needed to be. He wasn't doing as his mother had suggested that morning, and imagining that each of them was Aaron's face – the idea made him feel rather sick, and he'd told Hazel so – but it definitely helped ease the frustration a little to hit them with as much force as he could muster.

"Nah, mate. Just – just a few problems at home. You know the sort of thing."

"Trouble with the missus?" replied Phil.

That was right. Phil didn't know that he was gay – it wasn't something Jackson deliberately kept from people, but nor did he broadcast it the moment he met someone. And no matter how 'ok' he was with being gay, it did get a bit tiring having always to go through 'that' conversation. The look of surprise; the "oh, sorry mate, I shouldn't assume"; the pause; the pathetic joke. Here goes…

"Trouble with the mister, actually." Jackson said.

A pause.

"Oh, I'm sorry, mate, I shouldn't assume!"

Another pause.

"So, did he steal all your Shirley Bassey CDs or something? Just kidding, mate!"

Jackson laughed weakly and rolled his eyes, since he couldn't be bothered to react in the way he wanted to. He did imagine for a moment how Aaron would have responded – and it would probably have been with his fists. Or even simply the aggressive stance which was his shield – the shield Jackson loved to see melt away. But was he right to want Aaron to change? Was it fair on Aaron? The vulnerable Aaron he'd first encountered at Bar West – that was the boy he'd fallen in love with. If that wasn't who Aaron really was, then perhaps it was better for both of them that they'd called it day?

Jackson attacked the wall with the hammer again, trying to drown out the part of his mind which was certain that all of this _couldn't_ be for the best.

llllllllllllllllll

At the same time as this was happening, Aaron was sitting at the kitchen table in the Smithy, staring morosely at his own, cold, mug of tea. He'd hoped that Jackson would have spent last night on the sofa, as he had done before, but there had been no sign of him when Aaron came down in the middle of the night, wanting to apologise again and try to put things right. Not even a note. Was this really the end of them as a couple? Aaron had sat at the table for an hour, going round and round in circles in his mind, and always ending up with the same anger against himself. Why couldn't he have shown Jackson what he felt? Why did he always sabotage everything that was going well? Attacking Paddy, hitting Jackson, even shutting out Adam when he'd first suspected that Aaron was gay. And now this.

Things had seemed to be back on track! Their holiday had been brilliant. Away from Emmerdale, and away from all the people watching them and gossiping, Aaron had felt much more at ease. True, he wasn't happy often to hold hands and kiss in front of crowds of tourists, like Jackson obviously had hoped, but he flirted like mad, and the occasional public kiss had felt exciting and… like a proper relationship. He could forget everything else in the world, and just concentrate on being with Jackson. Now, only a few days back in Emmerdale, the rest of the world had encroached – all the things that Jackson didn't admire in him; all the things that deep down Aaron hated in himself.

Aaron toyed with the phone in his hand, spinning it round and round. He wanted to write the perfect text message; something that would guarantee that Jackson dropped whatever he was doing, ran back to the Smithy, forgave Aaron instantly and… well, whatever came next. A smile danced around Aaron's lips. But words were never his strong point, were they? If only he hadn't bunked off English so much at school… After a few more minutes of staring at his tea, now completely undrinkable, he typed out a quick message and pressed 'send':

"Come over as soon as you can, mate."

llllllllllllllllllll

Jackson stopped his work, and wiped the sweat from his forehead. The hammering was certainly done… now for the other two dozen tasks. He couldn't stop himself checking his mobile, just in case hammering had drowned out the sound of a ring or text – despite being the one to leave Aaron, a large part of him hoped that Aaron wouldn't give up with a fight. So to speak… But there was nothing. Suddenly – as he held the phone in his hand – it vibrated and beeped and a text appeared. He steeled himself for reading it – would it be abusive or reconciliatory? Hmm. As it happened, it was neither… just Hazel checking how he was. Again. Jackson sighed, put his phone away, and started preparing the electric drill.

llllllllllllllllllll

There was a knock on the door of the Smithy, which opened without the visitor waiting for an answer.

"Hey mate, you're lucky that Mum and Dad don't seem to notice anything I'm doing at the moment. I'll probably get it in the neck later for shirking, but your text sounded urgent – what's up?"

Aaron got up from the table and poured the cold tea down the sink, smiling. "Hey Adam – thanks for coming, mate."


	3. Chapter 3

Adam and Aaron were sitting down in the living room of the Smithy – they'd been sat there in silence for almost three minutes, when finally Adam spoke.

"Look, mate – I'm happy to come and help you out, but I'm not telepathic. And I should really be mending the fence in the top field, before we let the cows back into it. There's enough stress on at home without me sending Daisy and her pals wandering through the village."

"Sorry, farm boy." Aaron smiled, but Adam could tell it was forced. "I don't know what to say, really."

"Man trouble?" asked Adam with a raised eyebrow.

Aaron put his head back and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. This was exactly the sort of conversation he hated having, but he knew that if he didn't speak to someone then it would go round and round his head until he went mad. If he could just put the whole thing behind him, and forget all about Jackson, then he would happily ignore everything that had happened. But he needed Jackson – he knew that. He needed to do anything he could to get Jackson to reconsider.

"C'mon, Aaron. Talk to me. Or come and help me fix a fence – choice is yours."

"You know I'm rubbish at these sort of conversations."

"Sure, it's awkward," laughed Adam, "But it can't be more awkward than when you were dating my sister."

Aaron smirked. _That_ was true, anyway.

"How is Holly, anyway?"

Adam rolled his eyes. "Thanks for asking mate, but that's the topic for a whole other conversation, mate. Right now we're talking about you and Jackson. I thought things were going well?"

"Yeah… Yeah, they were. I thought he was going to break up with me, but he – well, in the end he didn't. But then we came back here, and – "

Aaron stopped when he saw Adam wink and raise his eyebrows, and threw a cushion at him.

"Sadly we came back here and _didn't_ do anything like that!" said Aaron. "I slept well and truly alone, believe me. We got talking and, somehow… I don't really know what happened. I couldn't say what I wanted to say, how I wanted to say it – and he got angry, then he dumped me, then he left."

"I could knock your heads together, as my Mum would say!" said Adam, "I walked past Jackson on my way here, and he was looking like someone had killed his favourite goldfish, made it into jam, and put it on his toast. He's obviously missing you just as much as you're missing him."

"Really?" Aaron looked hopeful, then his face clouded over. "But why do we keep having the same arguments over and over? He wants me to be some sort of sissy, happy to be punched in the face by anyone, and write them a thank you note afterwards."

"I'm sure that's not true, Aaron!" Adam laughed – not knowing quite how seriously to take his friend's moaning. He looked carefully at Aaron, who in turn was studiedly avoiding eye contact, now staring at the carpet. "I mean, you really regretted hitting Jackson, didn't you?"

"Of course I bloody did!" said Aaron. "Do you think I'm some sort of thug too?"

"Aaron, you know I don't," said Adam. "Who does?"

"Everyone." Aaron said angrily. He paused and added, more quietly: "Jackson does. He more or less said he was scared he'd be a victim of domestic abuse."

"You know how much he hates violence, Aaron. Everyone around Emmerdale seems to solve things with a scrap or a slap – but you'd never find Jackson doing that."

"I know that." Aaron said. "But I wouldn't hit him again – I can't stand the idea of him being hurt in any way – I – I…"

He stopped, glanced up at Adam, and then looked away, at the door. Adam looked a little shocked, and was obviously choosing his next words carefully.

"Do you – do you love him, Aaron?" he said softly.

Aaron stood up and paced towards the door and back, concentrating hard. He'd wanted Adam to come so he could vent at him, and perhaps Adam would be able to offer some advice. After all, his relationship with Scarlett never seemed to hit any brick walls – they just ambled along contentedly. Whereas his own relationship with Jackson didn't seem able to go on course for more than a couple days at a time. Aaron had assumed that he was doing something wrong, or that he hadn't really accepted that he was gay and that was sabotaging everything. Or maybe even that he and Jackson _weren't_ meant to be together, and that he was simply overcome by the feelings of his first proper relationship. He hadn't considered that he might be resisting falling in love. _Was_ he in love? How did you quantify something like that? How on earth could you know for certain? He looked desperately at Adam.

"I don't know! I honestly don't know, Adam, mate."

Adam mouthed the word 'wow', and looked a bit stunned.

"I've only just got used to you being gay," he said, "And now you might be – well, you know. In love and stuff. That's pretty cool."

Aaron sat back down agitatedly, staring at Adam as though he would find out the truth, if only he looking intently enough.

"But how do you know if you're in love, Adam? How can you tell?"

"I dunno," Adam said. "What makes you think you are? What things? I know this isn't what lads usually talk about, so feel free to tell me to shut up…"

"No," said Aaron quietly. This was important, and Adam was the only person he could think who would just listen. Paddy would be too over-protective and anxious to help; Chas would probably just clap her hands together and plan an engagement barbecue. He couldn't even begin to think what Cain would say. Of course, the person to whom Aaron could talk most comfortably was Jackson, but… With a straight bloke (how odd it was to think of other people as 'straight blokes'!) he didn't know how to get across how he felt about Jackson. For a start, Adam couldn't begin to understand how much Aaron fancied Jackson – how sexy his smile was; how arousing it was simply to look into his eyes just before they kissed. And as for the bedroom…

"Well, the sex is awesome!" Aaron laughed, keen to lighten the tone a bit, and enjoying shifting the discomfort in Adam's direction a little. "It's like nothing I could have imagined before."

"Firstly – thanks for the indirect feedback on my sister," said Adam, feigning nausea. "Secondly, look, if you miss having sex, just go and hang around that gay bar we went to. What was it – Bar West? I'm sure there are plenty of guys there who'd leap at the opportunity for a one night stand with a sexy mechanic!"

"Shut up, would you?" Aaron said, "I don't want a one night stand, do I?"

He'd be lying if he said the thought hadn't occurred to him. Since admitting to everyone – and to himself – that he was gay, Aaron had occasionally checked out guys he saw in bars or in the street, and a lot of them _were_ very sexy. But he wouldn't make himself vulnerable like that to just anyone. Despite his hard-man front, Aaron knew that he craved loyal, loving relationships – whether with friends or with parent-figures, or with a boyfriend.

"It's not just the sex, is it?" Aaron continued, "I can talk to him about anything. He makes me feel like myself – but he also makes me want to be better, because he deserves better. I want to be with him all the time, and I want him to be happy and safe." He looked at Adam earnestly. "Perhaps he's happier and safer without me? If he's scared of me…" Tears began to show in Aaron's eyes. "For goodness' sake! If he's scared of me, then why should I expect him to be with me? It's just selfishness, isn't it? I need him – goodness knows I need him – but he doesn't need me. He's better off not being with me. What sort of friend would advise him to be in a relationship with me?"

Adam hated it when Aaron cried – it made things so awkward and so serious, and he didn't know how to act – but he was a good enough friend to want to help Aaron. He leant over and put a hand on Aaron's shoulder.

"Look, mate. If I'd seen Jackson laughing for joy and clicking his heels, then maybe I'd think you were right. But he's miserable. You're miserable and he's miserable. This clearly isn't the right answer. Ok, look. You need to get out of the house; let your hair down a bit. Or you would, if you had any, instead of this ridiculous shaven head."

Aaron laughed through the tears running silently down his face. He wiped them away with his hand.

"Nah, mate. Thanks, but I'm not really in the mood."

"I'm not taking no for an answer! If I have to do extra hours on the farm tomorrow, then I'm definitely going to have a good time tonight! But Scarlett's not free – and she gets mad if I go our without her, so… let's go to Bar West."

Aaron looked up suspiciously, and Adam raised his hands to demonstrate his innocence.

"Not trying to pull one on you! In fact, I definitely won't be trying to pull anything if we go to Bar West, which is just the way Scarlett likes it. Unless you think I'm so hot that nobody will glance at you there?"

"Whatever, mate!" Aaron laughed. "Ok, perhaps you're right. I need to take my mind off things tonight, and I'll try speaking to Jackson tomorrow. Thanks, mate."

"That's what friends are for, ain't it?" Adam slapped Aaron on the back. "Right, lad, I'll see you at half eight. Well – that fence won't fix itself. And Cain would probably like someone to be in the garage for at least five or ten minutes each day, don't you reckon?"

Aaron was smiling by the time Adam left, and glad that he'd had a chat with his best friend. He might not have been quite so cheery if he'd seen the text Adam was sending as he walked back to his quad bike:

"Jackson – Aaron and I are going to Bar West tonight, please be there. Adam."


	4. Chapter 4

"Look, mate, I'm not sure about this." Aaron stood outside Bar West with Adam, looking uncertainly at its bright lights and listening to the loud music coming through its doors.

"I seem to remember us being here before, mate," replied Adam, "and you saying exactly the same thing."

"Look how _that_ worked out." Aaron muttered.

"Would you rather not have seen Jackson again, then? Would you have been happy leaving your relationship at a battering in the Woolie?" Adam chivvied his friend. "No, I thought not. Now, get a shift on and get into the bar, before I head on in alone. I might need you to vouch for me again, mate!"

Aaron smiled when he thought about the last time Adam had visited Bar West.

"If you're in luck," Aaron said, "that friend of yours will be waiting for you. He – sorry, she – would love to pick up where you left off."

Adam rolled his eyes, and headed into the bar – with Aaron following just behind him.

**090909090909090909090**

"Look, mate, I'm not sure about this." Uncannily, Jackson had texted Adam the very same words that Aaron said to him. It hadn't been easy, surreptitiously texting Jackson whilst simultaneously trying to keep Aaron's spirits up in the taxi. He'd even had to pretend that Scarlett was having problems with Carl and was desperate to vent about it – perhaps not the best excuse in the world, and would necessitate having a word with Scarlett in case Aaron brought it up, but he was thinking on his feet. If Adam was completely honest, he hadn't really thought out his whole plan particularly. Not really past the moment when Jackson and Aaron saw each other in Bar West, and he beat a swift retreat… next time Aaron saw him, he'd either get a grateful smile or an angry scowl, but either was better than seeing Aaron cry in desperation again.

And yet, despite his uncertainty, Jackson _was_ making his way to Bar West too. He didn't know why he kept coming back to Aaron. Whenever he thought he'd closed the door on the relationship, back he came. Ok, he _did_ know why he kept returning. There was no point in hiding it – he loved Aaron. He'd fancied Aaron from the first moment they met – how could he not? But since then his infatuation had quickly grown into affection, and from there to caring deeply, and from there to… love. He was speaking to his Mum on hands-free in his van – he knew speaking on the phone whilst driving wasn't a great idea, even on hands-free, but what was the worst that could happen? – on his way to Bar West.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, my boy?"

"No, Mum. Not sure at all. But – "

"Aaron's certainly a looker, I wouldn't argue with you there. As soon as I saw him, I said to myself, I said, 'Hazel, there's a boy you wouldn't kick out of bed on a cold winter's night.'"

"Mum!"

"Well, if he didn't play tiddlywinks on your side of the table, of course. Why do you never date the straight, slightly older blokes, eh? Or perhaps gay lads with cute, single fathers?"

"Mum! Are we talking about me, or your perverted elderly fantasies?"

"Elderly! You wash your mouth out with good manners, my boy. I've a good mind to hang up on you."

There was a pause, while Hazel waited for the protestations which didn't come. Jackson grinned to himself, and counted down from five on his fingers. As he got to five, and as he expected, Hazel burst out:

"Ok! You win – I won't hang up. Now tell me why you've gone back to see this boy. You've been like a wet weekend in Slough for days – why put yourself through it all again?"

"I don't know, Mum." Jackson sighed. "But I think I might have started to guess. I think I might be in lo-"

"Be careful now, don't say anything you don't mean!"

"I love him. I do. I would much prefer not to, trust me, it would make the whole thing a _lot_ easier. But there it is. I love the heck out of Aaron Livesy, from his head to his toes. More fool me."

"Well, that's brilliant, my love!"

"Is it?" Jackson took a left, heading into the centre of town, looking for a car park. "I don't know if he loves me or not, yet. Even if he does – and that's a big 'if' – then do I want to be with someone so ready to use his fists?"

"Has he hit you again, Jackson?"

"No, Mum, that's not what – "

"You'd tell me if he had, wouldn't you?"

"Yes Mum! Will you let – "

"I can't make decisions for you, my boy. No, I promised myself that the day you took your first steps towards me. I remember sitting on the hearth rug – that horrible one your Auntie Alison gave me and your Dad for our wedding, and we couldn't get rid of because it would have been rude – I was sitting there, and I said to myself, I said 'Hazel – "

"Thanks Mum!" Jackson interrupted. "You've been a _huge_ help, but I'm here now, I'll just have to wing it. I'll call you back later. Wish me luck!"

"Jackson! Luck for what? What are you going to do?"

But Jackson ended the call, smiled to himself, and got out of the car.

**0909090909090909090909090**

"Wow, it's dead in here, ain't it?" Aaron was hunched over a table, cradling a beer and not looking in the best of moods. "If I'd wanted to drink a beer and get bored, I could have stayed in with Paddy."

A few couples were dancing, a few more were sat at the tables around the outside of the bar, and quite a few were at the bar itself. It wasn't exactly dead, but it certainly wasn't as busy as the last time Adam had been.

"Just give it a chance, eh?" Adam looked at his watch for the twentieth time that night, wondering when Jackson was going to turn up. He hadn't got a plan for when that happened, it was true, but he definitely didn't have a plan if it _didn't_ happen. At this rate, they'd have to take to the dance floor…

"Why do you keep looking at your watch? Is Mummy expecting you in by eleven?"

"Shut up, would you?" Adam shoved him playfully. "It's Scarlett, isn't it? She wants me to see her before I head to bed."

"Take her to bed, you mean?" Aaron grimaced. "You straight guys are always hopping from bed to bed!"

Adam laughed, and checked his watch again…

**0909090909090909090909090909**

Jackson had parked a few streets away from Bar West, as that was the nearest place available. He walked down the road towards the bar, hands in his pockets and swinging his legs a little. He didn't know why Adam had asked him here, instead of Aaron asking him – it hadn't occurred to him that Aaron would be ignorant of his entrance; the only possibility that had crossed his mind was that Aaron was trying to play it cool, or something. He frowned.

Even when his head was shouting at him to get away from Aaron, and stay there, his heart wouldn't let go. Yes, his body rather craved him too – but that wouldn't have been enough for him to go back. He took a deep breath, and trusted to the moment to provide inspiration for his conversation with Aaron. "Be strong, Jackson," he said to himself silently, "Don't give in when he looks all cute and vulnerable." Even the thought of that sent a shiver down Jackson's spine, and he had to be ever sterner with himself.

He got to the corner which led to Bar West, which was pretty dark – one or two of the streetlamps were obviously on the blink. He was only a few dozen feet away from his destination, when a man's voice shouted to him.

"Hey! You! In the red shirt – are you going to that bar?"

Jackson turned, and flashed him one of the Walsh trademark grins. A lot of guys didn't want to go into a gay bar for the first time on their own, and he was happy to be someone's escort through the doorway, if all they wanted was a friendly face. It reminded him of seeing Aaron outside Bar West all that time ago, when Aaron had been so keen to assert that he didn't usually go to this 'dump'.

"Yeah, mate, I am. Why, you heading in there yourself?"

"You know it's a gay bar, don't you, mate?"

Jackson's smile faltered a bit, and disappeared completely when he saw another couple of guys appear behind the first one. They were all quite big, and none looked very friendly. He didn't like the smile on the face of the first guy at all.

"Yeah," said Jackson, "What of it?"

The man's smile grew even more menacing, and he took a step towards Jackson, rubbing one fist in his other hand.

"We don't like gay bars, actually, do we guys?" he said. "And that's cos we don't much like gays."

**09090909090909090909090909090**

"Right, that's it." Aaron finished his drink, and got up.

"You're not going, are you?" Adam stood up as well, looking anxious.

"Er, yeah." Aaron said, giving the fake-puzzled expression he always gave when he thought someone was being an idiot.

"Just a few more minutes!" protested Adam.

"You've barely spoken for the past quarter of an hour, mate! Surely Scarlett wants you tucked up in bed, anyway? Unless you're desperate to pick someone up here, I suggest we head back." Aaron said.

Aaron saw how disappointed Adam looked, and felt a bit bad.

"Hey Adam – I do appreciate the effort. And I'm proved to meself that I can go out without Jackson, haven't I? It'll be easier next time. One step at a time, eh?"

Adam nodded sadly. Obviously Jackson had decided not to come after all. Although why he hadn't texted to let him know, after all their communication earlier, he couldn't imagine. He sighed, put on his coat, and followed Aaron out of the bar.

As they walked through the door, they saw some movement further up the alley to the left of Bar West. It was dark, so they couldn't see quite what was going on, but the could certainly hear the odd muffled shout of pain, and the thump of fist against body.

"Someone's being beaten up! We should do something!" said Adam.

Aaron was already a couple of strides towards the group when he realised that he recognised the voice.

"Hey! That's Jackson!"

He broke into a run, swiftly followed by Adam, and it was only a couple of moments before they had reached the throng. Aaron pulled the biggest guy away from Jackson, who was lying on the floor with his hands covering his face.

"Aaron! Thank goodness." Jackson said very quietly; he was obviously in considerable pain, but far better than he would have been, had Aaron and Adam not appeared when they did. There was blood across his face, and his shirt was torn in several places. Aaron felt like he'd been punched in the stomach himself, just seeing Jackson like that.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Aaron shouted at the guy, looking so aggressive that even Adam was a little chilled. Adam, in turn, hauled another guy away. Although the attackers outnumbered Aaron and Adam, they obviously sensed they would lose any continued fight, and, shaking loose from the boys' grips, the three ran away up the alley.

"That your boyfriend, is it?" sneered one of Jackson's attackers over his shoulder, once he'd got a good start.

"Yes he is, actually!" bellowed Aaron.

Jackson slowly raised himself to sitting position, wincing as his bruised ribs were forced to move. Adam had already started running in the direction of the disappearing gang.

"C'mon, Aaron! We have to teach those guys a lesson!"

It was clear from every inch of Aaron's face that he wanted to go after the men and pulverise them – he wanted to hit them and hit them until they stopped moving, and show them that nobody could hurt Jackson and get away with it. But the last few days had not taught him nothing. He screwed his eyes shut for a moment, urging the aggression to melt away and be replaced instead by the love for Jackson which _fuelled_ the aggression.

"I'm staying here, mate. I'm staying with Jackson."

Adam stopped running, and moved back towards Aaron and Jackson. "Don't you want to get back at them?"

Jackson looked at Aaron, who was now kneeling by him. He didn't say anything, but his eyes were questioning.

"No, Adam. I want to be here with Jackson. That's the important thing."

Aaron turned his eyes to Jackson's. It was now or never. But, when it came to it, it turned out not to be a difficult decision at all.

"Jackson – I love you. I'm sorry for everything, and I flippin' love you."

"About time." Jackson grinned. And, despite the bruised ribs, and the glass on the floor around them, and the fact that they were in the middle of the street – Aaron kissed Jackson lovingly and passionately. And they didn't stop kissing for a long time.


End file.
